Mental Health

Feminism vs Motherhood

I’m an old school feminist. What I mean by that, is I’m all about equality between men and women. I don’t like what feminism has become, with so many women fighting to be seen as better than men. Can we not just all accept that each individual has their own strengths and weaknesses? It doesn’t matter the gender.

I love that mothers these days are being better informed about self care, and just how important it is. I love that fathers are becoming more equal, and standing up for their rights; that they are becoming more than just ‘babysitters’.

What I don’t love, is that this often ends up pushing mothers to the side. Second time round, I am feeling like my role isn’t as important. People seem to expect me to be willing to pass my baby over whenever they ask. They believe I should be happy to just leave her with someone else so I can go out and have some ‘me time’. After all, I’m a strong and independent woman, and shouldn’t made to stay at home playing housewife.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for me time and I appreciate the offers. What I don’t appreciate is the pressure.

I breastfeed my daughter. I have made the decision not to introduce bottles, for the simple reason that I don’t feel the need to. My partner supports me with this, and has never once argued against it. The number of times I have heard something along the lines of “well you can give her some formula now so you can have a break” is unreal.

The truth is, I love being with her 24/7. I love that she needs me – actually needs me. She needs me for sustenance, for comfort, for reassurance. I might moan about how many times I’ve been up during the night, but that doesn’t mean I’m asking for ways to stop it. I feel a sense of pride and true self-worth when I am able to send her back to sleep in seconds.

And it works both ways. I need her too.

I am all for equality in parenting, I don’t know why it is such a new idea.

I am all for mums getting a break. It is definitely needed and well deserved.

What I am not all for is pressuring a mother into thinking she should be passing her child over to someone else for her own happiness, even if she doesn’t want to.

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